Why you shouldn’t play the “wait and see” game

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This past month I was contacted by two sets of parents, each concerned about their children’s speech sound errors. In both cases, the parents had been recommended years earlier to “wait and see” if the sound errors would resolve on their own.

“Wait and see” is an unsatisfying recommendation. It often lacks important information such as: How long should I wait? Who shouldn’t wait and why? Exactly what am I waiting for? How can I support my child’s speech while I wait?

I am not a fan of “wait and see”. Here’s why…

Although many kids who are speech or language delayed catch up on their own, 30-40% go on to need intervention. Early intervention is key for these kids. And some of them need years of intervention. 

There are so many parents who hear “she will grow out of it”, or “stop comparing him to other kids”, or “she’s going through a phase”, or “he just needs to slow down”. These comments are well-meaning but unhelpful.

Don’t ignore your gut instinct to get your child help!

As a parent, you are your child’s expert and advocate. The power to help your children is in your hands.

If you are suspicious that something is not right there is no harm in getting it looked at. You can’t go wrong arranging for an early evaluation.

Parents don’t get upset when the evaluation yields good news, but they might regret playing the “wait and see” game. Many parents who wait wish they arranged for evaluation and intervention sooner than they did.

Here’s what could happen when you “wait and see”:

  • While children with delays are in “wait and see” mode, they are missing out. They are deprived for months, or perhaps years, of fully participating in interactions and exploring the impact of their words, both of which are precursors for developing social language competency.
  • When children with speech sound errors continue to make their sounds incorrectly, the errors become habits, making it more difficult to correct in the future.
  • When children with oral placement disorders do not receive intervention, they naturally make adaptations which may cause changes to the teeth, jaw, lips and tongue.

I recommend consulting with a Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) if you have any concerns about your child’s speech and language development. And whatever your SLP recommends, ask them to explain the reason for their recommendation so that you can make an informed decision.

“Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don’t count.”  – Robert Anthony

Embrace the pause

“No word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause”   – Mark Twain

I couldn’t agree more!

Pausing is one of the most overlooked delivery techniques. By dividing speech into smaller segments, pausing significantly contributes to being better understood. For foreign English speakers, the use of effective pausing can make the difference between being understood or not being understood.

Effective use of pausing gives your listeners time to process and reflect on your words. And because your listeners do not have the benefit of punctuation, bolding and other helpful clues abundant in written formats, pauses are the ideal tool to support others’ understanding of your verbal message.

Effective Pausing: 

  • Pausing for emphasis.  Pausing, before or after certain words, naturally conveys them as having a higher importance. A pause proceeding a key word signals “listen up”. While a pause after a key word signals “remember this”
    • Avocados are poisonous [pause] to birds.
    • Please pick up AA batteries [pause] orange juice [pause] and eggs.
  • Pausing in your name. Your name may likely be unfamiliar to a new listener. Pausing between your first and last name makes it clear where your first name ends and your last name begins. It also helps others remember your name, which is important during interviews and networking. I personally know the value of pausing between a first and last name because my last name is no walk in the park!
  • Thought chunking. When you insert your pauses between ideas and thoughts, it allows your listener to recognize different thoughts and process them separately. Pausing in this way gives your listener time to process one idea before you move on to the next.
  • Pausing for punctuation. Periods and commas naturally break up ideas in writing. Use a short pause in your speech whenever a comma would be used in the written equivalent. Insert a medium pause in your speech whenever a period would be used in the written equivalent.

 

Pausing allows your listeners to absorb your words, connect your words to their own experiences and form images in their minds. It allows your words to land.

 

Pausing is strategically used by stand-up comedians. They typically pause after the delivery of a punch line. Were they to rush into their next joke, with no pause for the audience, the joke would fail to land and trigger laughter.

Sometimes, foreign English speakers are asked to slow down by their listener. Without training from a professional on how to slow down, they may insert a small pause after each word.  The result is an unnatural speaking rhythm which can negatively effect the listener’s ability to understand the message.  

Rhythm is the perceived patterns of stressed and unstressed units of speech. In English, there is a natural integration of speaking rhythm and meaning. Rhythm goes a long way in making your message clear.

Filler words, such as “um” and “ah”, are distracting and have to be filtered out by your listeners. If you are speaking English with a foreign accent, your listeners are already devoting extra listening energy to follow your message. The additional distraction associated with filler words may be the tipping point to your listeners struggling.

Filler words have the opposite effect of pauses. With continued voicing, it becomes unclear where words end and others begin. If you notice that you have a tendency to add in filler words, try inserting a pause instead, replacing the filler words with silence.Pauses will let you catch your breath, while giving your listeners the time they need to process your message.

Rightly timed pauses will boost your effectiveness as a speaker and convey a clearer message to your listeners… every time.

An invitation to do less this season

As far back as I remember, Christmas time always evoked mixed feelings. Being Jewish, my family celebrated Hanukkah, which sometimes coincided with Christmas and other times did not.
 
My school hosted a number of Christmas related events and I envied the many families who celebrated what I believed to be a glamorous and universal holiday. Hence the mixed feelings. It all looked so great but I just wasn’t a part of it.  ANY OF IT.
 
Whichever holiday they are celebrating, toys and games are important to children. But… do you remember all the gifts you received over the holidays? Me neither. 
 
As adults we hardly remember the toys we so desperately wanted or received as gifts. What we remember most are the memories created from hanging out and laughing with family.
 
This year don’t lose sight of those things that build lasting memories. Choose to do less. Spend more time together playing and sharing stories. Invite your children to join you baking and decorating.  Create new family traditions your children can look forward to year after year.
 
Involving children in activities promotes language and social development. These are the interactions that will provide the basis for future reminiscence and story-telling.
 
For those of you still working on your gift list, I recommend you lean towards items that will provide your child with opportunities to use their language skills and learn through discovery.

Consider age appropriate novels, magazine subscriptions and cookbooks to promote a love for reading.  Consider toys that encourage turn-taking, guessing and word-finding to promote language development.
 
Here are some SLP endorsed gift options for all ages. Each item supports literacy, pretend play, guessing, turn-taking or vocabulary expansion.

1 – 3 years

     

Dot Magazine
An illustrated ad-free magazine for preschoolers. It is full of fun stories and activities. Use it to build pre-literacy skills and teach kids that reading is fun.


Munchkin Fishin’ Bath Toy 
The magnetic rod makes it easy to catch sea creatures. Use it to introduce “who” questions “Who did you catch?” and “where” questions “Where is the fish?” Use this toy to promote pretend play.


Fisher-Price Little People Caring for Animals Farm
Every kid should have a farm!! This toy encourages pretend play and conversations between the farmer and the animals. Animals are perfect prompts for teaching toddlers how to make different sounds and appreciate the connection between sounds and their meanings.

I Spy Eagle Eye Game
Young kids love searching for images. This helps develop vocabulary, particularly concepts to describe where they found each picture.

3 – 6 years


The Gruffalo
One of my all-time favourite children’s books. If The Gruffalo is not on your book shelf, order it now. One of the best books to help your child understand the unwritten text by encouraging them to consider what each character is thinking.

Dot to Dot Count to 25
Help your toddler guess what the image will be. Kids get super excited to eventually see the image for themselves. These dots follow each other in a logical manner.

 

Hape Dynamo Kid’s Wooden Domino Set
Model concepts (in-front/behind, first/last, close/far, fast-slow) and verbs (build, turn, push, fall, watch, repeat).


Cate and Levi Puppets
Handcrafted in Canada. Hand puppets stimulate pretend play and turn-taking. Puppets also encourage interaction, through scripts, which is the breeding ground for language development.

6 – 9 years

 

 

 

Wee Hee Hee
Who doesn’t love to giggle? These illustrated jokes strengthen metalanguage skills by using “wordplay”, a humorous use of words with more than one meaning.

 

 

 

National Geographic – 5,000 Awesome Facts About Everything
Kids can’t resist this book with fascinating fun facts. If you want to inspire your child to read more, just leave this bad boy lying around the house.

Scattergories
This game is so much fun and requires that kids search their own vocabulary to create lists of words within various categories. Guaranteed to keep you laughing.

Klutz Make Your Own Movie Kit
For the child with lots of Lego! This kit inspires creativity. This is stop-motion animation made easy. Among other skills, children explore their language abilities as they learn how to write scripts.

Maybe you don’t have any children on your gift list, but you’re looking for a way to give back. One way to connect with the true spirit of the holidays and make a big difference in the lives of children is by supporting The Lower Mainland Christmas Bureau.

They are a non-profit organization with one goal, to ensure every child has a smile on their face Christmas Day. They collect and ship gifts to Community Agencies across metro Vancouver. Simply choose an item and give the gift of play.

How grapefruits reminded me of the power of storytelling

According to Speech and Hearing BC,  29% of children arrive at kindergarten struggling to be able to tell a story. Did you know that telling your children stories helps them develop their storytelling skills?

Storytelling uses language to connect your child to people, events, concepts and humour. Stories teach sequencing, improve vocabulary, strengthen listening skills and help children connect ideas. And, the simple act of focusing on your child when you tell a story confirms for them that they are a valuable member of the interaction.

I love grapefruits!  I use a grapefruit knife to carefully separate the “meat” within each section, a tradition that was passed on to me by my grandfather. I fondly remember my “Papa Paul” eating his morning grapefruits.  He enjoyed this simple pleasure delighting in every bite, describing the grapefruit as a gift, squeezing every last drop of juice into his mouth. His lessons of appreciating the simple things in life were not lost on me.

The first time I served grapefruit to my children I shared stories about my grandfather, a truly unique and great man whom they had never met.

I  told them about the time my grandfather taught me to ride a bike, convincing me he was still holding on when in fact he had let go so that I could find my way. I must have hit every parked car on the street!  The story opened up a conversation about trust, fear and one’s willingness to try new things.

Then there was the time he bought a new set of dentures for a man he did not know, but who had lost his only set on the beach.  The story helped them better understand abstract traits such as compassion and generosity.

When my children were a little older, I told them about the time Papa Paul tried to teach my mother to swim by securing her to the end of a fishing rod! Seriously!  This story included a time lapse and provided a segue to discuss planning, considering your options and perspective taking.

To this day when my daughters see me cutting open a grapefruit they request it “Papa Paul style”!  A man they have never met has become a coined phrase in our home, simply through the act of storytelling.

Ways to support your child’s language skills through storytelling:

  1. Include the concepts of time – Using words such as “first”, “and then” and “in the end” will help build sequencing and narrative skills.
  2. Insert pauses – Pauses allow children extra time to process and consider what you are saying. And by pausing, you model how to pace yourself when speaking.
  3. Use descriptive language – Help them visualize the characters and settings in your stories. Talk about the qualities and traits of your characters to help grow their vocabulary.
  4. Be expressive – By matching your facial expression and tone of voice to your message, you help your child develop the ability to read social cues and understand how others feel. (See my blog on Understanding Social Language Skills)
  5. Connect the story to the present – If possible, build a relationship between one aspect of the story and your child’s life. This will help them remember the story and improve their ability to retell it.

Stories are captivating. Tell your children stories about them as babies, or what it was like being pregnant with them. Share stories about yourself when you were a child and about your own family.  Draw them in and strengthen their connection to their world.

“There is no greater power on this earth than story”. –  Libba Bray 

Celebrate Your Connection

For many, December is a time of reflection and planning for the year ahead.  I invite you to set aside a few moments to reflect on your most memorable interactions with your children this past year. Next, celebrate yourself for your role in creating those memories. 
It may have been a moment of accomplishment when your young child spoke her first phrase, or a time you offered your undivided attention during bathtime, or perhaps she was able to clearly express her big feelings, and you were there to hear and acknowledge her words.

 

As parents, it is so easy for us to get swept away by our daily to do lists. And let’s be honest, the majority of those things on the list are likely for the benefit of our children. Yet when we stop doing for them and instead get present with them, this is when we more deeply connect and earn their trust and permission.

 

This past year, it was a few shared moments with my 3 year old nephew on the beach that were among my most memorable. We had been walking on the boardwalk with his parents when he suddenly ran onto the beach, kicking up huge amounts of sand with each step. The beach was not crowded, but there were people reclining ahead. I considered correcting him but decided instead to join him, imitating his steps, kicking up my own sand. Judging by his smile, he was thrilled to see me imitating him. At that moment I switched up the step to a gentle and deliberate lunge. He instantly copied me, allowing me to take the lead for a moment. Then he jumped up on a log and so did I. He turned to look over his shoulder and smiled. This routine of copying each other went on for only a few more minutes, but it was rich with connection. Connection that existed because I chose to be playful, attend, imitate and take turns rather than correct and direct. I used the tools I knew would yield his interest and attention leaving him receptive to me as his model.

 

As the poet Rumi said, “Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there”  These words inspire me to suspend my own judgement about a child’s rights or wrongs, and release my desire to correct and direct.  Instead I ask myself what the child is feeling and needing in that moment and lean in. By just being present with them, we sweeten the connection, and organically increase the joy factor.

 

Connection, achieved through presence, attention, and turn taking allows children to maximally benefit from us as their speech and language models.

 

The video below is one of my favourite examples of how using these simple tools deepens connection. It’s guaranteed to put a smile on your face!

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10RfW8R4VRY

 

What strategies have you found that support deep connection with your little ones? Have you similarly noticed that by first establishing this type of connection, you receive their permission to take on the role of speech and language teacher?

 

It is my hope that you take some time to recall the moments worth celebrating. Interactions characterized by humour, play, eye contact, observing, waiting, listening, turn taking, imitating, delighting and awe.

Early Speech and Language Support Made Easy!

Becoming a parent brings with it plenty of responsibility. You brought a being into this world who is completely dependent on you and you put a lot of pressure on yourself to get it all done, leaving little if any extra time at the end of each day.

The good news is…supporting your baby’s speech and language development doesn’t require you to find extra time…NO EXTRA TIME! You can model and facilitate communication skills during your regular routines and play times.

Language skills begin to develop early.

Before he is even 2 months old, your baby stares intently at you and enjoys your attention.

By 6 months old, she watches your face as you talk, smiles in response to your smiles, and anticipates what will happen next.

By 9 months old he communicates non-verbally, uses sounds and gestures to get what he wants, and plays simple games.

It should come as no surprise that what your little one is most interested in is YOU! Take advantage of her natural interest in you to promote her attention and turn-taking skills… the skills needed to absorb speech and language modeled for her.  Good attention and turn taking skills are the foundation of oral language development.  Before learning to speak, your baby must learn to attend to others and take turns.

 

Here are 3 ways to promote good attention and turn-taking skills.

 1.  Follow your baby’s lead. Talk about what he is looking at. This helps him link sounds and words to the things he pays attention to. It also helps develop his confidence when he realizes you are interested in him and having fun with him. The more fun and interest you bring to playtime, the more he will pay attention to you.

2.  Pause regularly inviting your baby to take her turn. Get face to face, lean in, and look at her as if you expect her to take a turn. This might be a small movement or sound. Repeat your baby’s sounds and encourage her to repeat your sounds. Acknowledge her turn and continue with this pattern of making a sound, pausing and acknowledging. You are having a conversation!

3. Tempt your baby with something you think he really wants. Hold two toys in front of him and encourage him to look at or reach for one of them. Name them for him and reinforce his choice. Pause a familiar activity or routine (a song, a rhyme, shaking a rattle, a repetitive knee bounce) and wait for him to indicate he wants you to continue.

 

Whether you are talking, singing, reciting nursery rhymes, reading or playing with your baby… Follow her lead, use the power of pause and tempt her to take a turn.

Check here for some great games you can play with your baby!