How grapefruits reminded me of the power of storytelling

According to Speech and Hearing BC,  29% of children arrive at kindergarten struggling to be able to tell a story. Did you know that telling your children stories helps them develop their storytelling skills?

Storytelling uses language to connect your child to people, events, concepts and humour. Stories teach sequencing, improve vocabulary, strengthen listening skills and help children connect ideas. And, the simple act of focusing on your child when you tell a story confirms for them that they are a valuable member of the interaction.

I love grapefruits!  I use a grapefruit knife to carefully separate the “meat” within each section, a tradition that was passed on to me by my grandfather. I fondly remember my “Papa Paul” eating his morning grapefruits.  He enjoyed this simple pleasure delighting in every bite, describing the grapefruit as a gift, squeezing every last drop of juice into his mouth. His lessons of appreciating the simple things in life were not lost on me.

The first time I served grapefruit to my children I shared stories about my grandfather, a truly unique and great man whom they had never met.

I  told them about the time my grandfather taught me to ride a bike, convincing me he was still holding on when in fact he had let go so that I could find my way. I must have hit every parked car on the street!  The story opened up a conversation about trust, fear and one’s willingness to try new things.

Then there was the time he bought a new set of dentures for a man he did not know, but who had lost his only set on the beach.  The story helped them better understand abstract traits such as compassion and generosity.

When my children were a little older, I told them about the time Papa Paul tried to teach my mother to swim by securing her to the end of a fishing rod! Seriously!  This story included a time lapse and provided a segue to discuss planning, considering your options and perspective taking.

To this day when my daughters see me cutting open a grapefruit they request it “Papa Paul style”!  A man they have never met has become a coined phrase in our home, simply through the act of storytelling.

Ways to support your child’s language skills through storytelling:

  1. Include the concepts of time – Using words such as “first”, “and then” and “in the end” will help build sequencing and narrative skills.
  2. Insert pauses – Pauses allow children extra time to process and consider what you are saying. And by pausing, you model how to pace yourself when speaking.
  3. Use descriptive language – Help them visualize the characters and settings in your stories. Talk about the qualities and traits of your characters to help grow their vocabulary.
  4. Be expressive – By matching your facial expression and tone of voice to your message, you help your child develop the ability to read social cues and understand how others feel. (See my blog on Understanding Social Language Skills)
  5. Connect the story to the present – If possible, build a relationship between one aspect of the story and your child’s life. This will help them remember the story and improve their ability to retell it.

Stories are captivating. Tell your children stories about them as babies, or what it was like being pregnant with them. Share stories about yourself when you were a child and about your own family.  Draw them in and strengthen their connection to their world.

“There is no greater power on this earth than story”. –  Libba Bray 

Understanding Social Language Skills

Social language skills, also known as pragmatic language skills, refer to the unspoken verbal and nonverbal rules governing our interactions.

These rules vary according to whom you are speaking with, where you are, and typically vary across different cultures. Someone with good social language skills will respond appropriately and flexibly to an ever changing social landscape.

While social skills are second nature to many of us, everyday social situations can be challenging for some.

A person with weak language, attention or memory skills may be unable to inhibit the impulse to talk, forget what was said, or have trouble keeping up with the pace of the conversation.

Someone with a social skills disorder might struggle to make eye contact, initiate or extend a conversation, misunderstand humour and facial expressions, and will likely make inaccurate guesses about what others are thinking and feeling.

A common characteristic of a social skills disorder, is impaired Perspective Taking. A complex process, perspective taking allows for interpretation of what is really going on by considering the thoughts, beliefs, desires and intentions of others.

The ability to consider and think about other people’s perspectives improves our social competencies, and strengthens our personal relationships. After all, social success is influenced and measured by how well we relate to and interact with others.

In Reclaiming Conversation (2015), Sherry Turkle describes how giving our attention to our children is the bread and butter of relationship building.

“Children learn how to regulate strong emotions, how to respond to other people’s social cues, and how to have conversations, largely as a result of the time parents spend listening to them, responding to them, helping them problem solve and understand themselves.”

A child’s social experiences rest on the foundation of the parent – child relationship. It is our responsibility, as parents, to be generous with our attention, and make ourselves available to our children in order to support their social skills learning.

Tips to support your child’s perspective taking:

  • Ask your child to describe the situation.
  • Break situations into small concrete parts.
  • Offer a feeling word to label how you perceive your child is feeling.
  • Explain what lead you to that belief about his feelings. Help him see your perspective because, personal problem solving relies on perspective taking.
  • Encourage him to think about how he feels and how the other person might feel.
  • Suggest how the other person might be feeling.
  • Describe the facial expression and body language you might expect from a person who feels that way.
  • Praise your child for her attempt to maneuver through a difficult social situation.

Modelling  HOW you think about your child’s thoughts and feelings, and helping him examine his own thoughts and feelings, will go a long way to support his problem solving and friendship skills.

In addition to supporting friendships, working on perspective taking will  improve understanding of material studied in school. Not only is it an essential skill when participating in group work, it is vital to appreciating and interpreting a lot of academic content.  Imagine for a moment trying to understand significant historical or political events, or even simply relating to characters in novels, without the ability to take on another person’s perspectives.

Boost perspective taking, self-reflection and more, with my FREE GAMES

These games offer opportunities to:

  1. Think about others. Specifically what others would like to do, not like to do, what they might have tried, or what they would never consider trying.
  2. Reflect on your own preferences and interests.
  3. Store personal information about others in “memory files”, and then access the stored information.
  4. Formulate and ask personal questions with how, would and have.

Watch How to Play the Games.

In an era of increased time spent socializing on-line and a reduced rate of face-to-face interactions that are rich in social cues afforded through facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and cadence, all children will benefit from thoughtful, straightforward, and honest interpretations and discussions of social situations. It requires more effort for sure, to create opportunities for face-to-face interactions, but they are loaded with social language learning opportunities and…  it’s worth it!

Michelle Garcia Winner is an internationally recognized SLP who specializes in helping people develop their social competencies. I recommend her website for further information on social learning challenges. https://www.socialthinking.com/