Why you shouldn’t play the “wait and see” game

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This past month I was contacted by two sets of parents, each concerned about their children’s speech sound errors. In both cases, the parents had been recommended years earlier to “wait and see” if the sound errors would resolve on their own.

“Wait and see” is an unsatisfying recommendation. It often lacks important information such as: How long should I wait? Who shouldn’t wait and why? Exactly what am I waiting for? How can I support my child’s speech while I wait?

I am not a fan of “wait and see”. Here’s why…

Although many kids who are speech or language delayed catch up on their own, 30-40% go on to need intervention. Early intervention is key for these kids. And some of them need years of intervention. 

There are so many parents who hear “she will grow out of it”, or “stop comparing him to other kids”, or “she’s going through a phase”, or “he just needs to slow down”. These comments are well-meaning but unhelpful.

Don’t ignore your gut instinct to get your child help!

As a parent, you are your child’s expert and advocate. The power to help your children is in your hands.

If you are suspicious that something is not right there is no harm in getting it looked at. You can’t go wrong arranging for an early evaluation.

Parents don’t get upset when the evaluation yields good news, but they might regret playing the “wait and see” game. Many parents who wait wish they arranged for evaluation and intervention sooner than they did.

Here’s what could happen when you “wait and see”:

  • While children with delays are in “wait and see” mode, they are missing out. They are deprived for months, or perhaps years, of fully participating in interactions and exploring the impact of their words, both of which are precursors for developing social language competency.
  • When children with speech sound errors continue to make their sounds incorrectly, the errors become habits, making it more difficult to correct in the future.
  • When children with oral placement disorders do not receive intervention, they naturally make adaptations which may cause changes to the teeth, jaw, lips and tongue.

I recommend consulting with a Speech-Language Pathologist (SLP) if you have any concerns about your child’s speech and language development. And whatever your SLP recommends, ask them to explain the reason for their recommendation so that you can make an informed decision.

“Waiting is a trap. There will always be reasons to wait. The truth is, there are only two things in life, reasons and results, and reasons simply don’t count.”  – Robert Anthony

An invitation to do less this season

As far back as I remember, Christmas time always evoked mixed feelings. Being Jewish, my family celebrated Hanukkah, which sometimes coincided with Christmas and other times did not.
 
My school hosted a number of Christmas related events and I envied the many families who celebrated what I believed to be a glamorous and universal holiday. Hence the mixed feelings. It all looked so great but I just wasn’t a part of it.  ANY OF IT.
 
Whichever holiday they are celebrating, toys and games are important to children. But… do you remember all the gifts you received over the holidays? Me neither. 
 
As adults we hardly remember the toys we so desperately wanted or received as gifts. What we remember most are the memories created from hanging out and laughing with family.
 
This year don’t lose sight of those things that build lasting memories. Choose to do less. Spend more time together playing and sharing stories. Invite your children to join you baking and decorating.  Create new family traditions your children can look forward to year after year.
 
Involving children in activities promotes language and social development. These are the interactions that will provide the basis for future reminiscence and story-telling.
 
For those of you still working on your gift list, I recommend you lean towards items that will provide your child with opportunities to use their language skills and learn through discovery.

Consider age appropriate novels, magazine subscriptions and cookbooks to promote a love for reading.  Consider toys that encourage turn-taking, guessing and word-finding to promote language development.
 
Here are some SLP endorsed gift options for all ages. Each item supports literacy, pretend play, guessing, turn-taking or vocabulary expansion.

1 – 3 years

     

Dot Magazine
An illustrated ad-free magazine for preschoolers. It is full of fun stories and activities. Use it to build pre-literacy skills and teach kids that reading is fun.


Munchkin Fishin’ Bath Toy 
The magnetic rod makes it easy to catch sea creatures. Use it to introduce “who” questions “Who did you catch?” and “where” questions “Where is the fish?” Use this toy to promote pretend play.


Fisher-Price Little People Caring for Animals Farm
Every kid should have a farm!! This toy encourages pretend play and conversations between the farmer and the animals. Animals are perfect prompts for teaching toddlers how to make different sounds and appreciate the connection between sounds and their meanings.

I Spy Eagle Eye Game
Young kids love searching for images. This helps develop vocabulary, particularly concepts to describe where they found each picture.

3 – 6 years


The Gruffalo
One of my all-time favourite children’s books. If The Gruffalo is not on your book shelf, order it now. One of the best books to help your child understand the unwritten text by encouraging them to consider what each character is thinking.

Dot to Dot Count to 25
Help your toddler guess what the image will be. Kids get super excited to eventually see the image for themselves. These dots follow each other in a logical manner.

 

Hape Dynamo Kid’s Wooden Domino Set
Model concepts (in-front/behind, first/last, close/far, fast-slow) and verbs (build, turn, push, fall, watch, repeat).


Cate and Levi Puppets
Handcrafted in Canada. Hand puppets stimulate pretend play and turn-taking. Puppets also encourage interaction, through scripts, which is the breeding ground for language development.

6 – 9 years

 

 

 

Wee Hee Hee
Who doesn’t love to giggle? These illustrated jokes strengthen metalanguage skills by using “wordplay”, a humorous use of words with more than one meaning.

 

 

 

National Geographic – 5,000 Awesome Facts About Everything
Kids can’t resist this book with fascinating fun facts. If you want to inspire your child to read more, just leave this bad boy lying around the house.

Scattergories
This game is so much fun and requires that kids search their own vocabulary to create lists of words within various categories. Guaranteed to keep you laughing.

Klutz Make Your Own Movie Kit
For the child with lots of Lego! This kit inspires creativity. This is stop-motion animation made easy. Among other skills, children explore their language abilities as they learn how to write scripts.

Maybe you don’t have any children on your gift list, but you’re looking for a way to give back. One way to connect with the true spirit of the holidays and make a big difference in the lives of children is by supporting The Lower Mainland Christmas Bureau.

They are a non-profit organization with one goal, to ensure every child has a smile on their face Christmas Day. They collect and ship gifts to Community Agencies across metro Vancouver. Simply choose an item and give the gift of play.

Parents of late talkers are often surprised to learn they can help more by talking less.

The term “late talkers” describes children who have a limited spoken vocabulary at around 2 years of age. Keep in mind that first words appear close to 12 months, and children begin combining words prior to 2 years (refer to my blog on Communication Milestones).

If at 18-20 months your child uses less than 10 words, or if at 21-30 months they have fewer than 50 words and aren’t combining words, despite otherwise typical development, then you have a “late talker”.

Because early language development provides a foundation for the development of later language and literacy skills, late talkers are at risk for problems with language and literacy skills in elementary school and beyond.

One of the first things I do when evaluating a child with reportedly limited speech is to observe the parent and child playing together. More often than not these parents “over-talk” during play.

I attribute this “over-talking” to two phenomenons. First, most of us are to some degree uncomfortable with silence, so we organically fill the silent spaces. Second, many parents have the misconception they need to model more words and talk more for their children who are behind in speech output.

Talking more is NOT helpful to Late Talkers because:

  1. Talking more results in longer phrases.  Consider matching the length of your utterance to your child’s level or just above your child’s level. So, if your child is using single words, model single words or 2-word combinations.
  2. Talking more results in less turns for your child. Consider taking short turns saying one thing, then pause, allowing your child an opportunity to take a turn, whether that be verbal, non-verbal or just a sound.  Looking expectantly at your child and staying quiet sends the message it is her turn.
  3. Talking more results in no words being highlighted. Consider using fewer words, preferably “early vocabulary” words, such as nouns and specific words that would be useful for your child to communicate. Using too many words makes it more difficult for words to stand out and get noticed. It is the equivalent of using a highlighter to mark every word on a page. Think about which words you wish tohighlight.
  4. Talking more results in less connection. Consider what your child can pay attention to. If there is too much talking he will likely tune you out. If he has tuned you out then you have lost the opportunity to connect. Without shared attention, your child will not observe how you made the word and the words will have no meaningful connection.

Ways to SUPPORT your Late Talker:

  1. Get on her level physically. Sit on the floor and get eye-to-eye.
  2. Observe what he is interested in and comment on that. Offering words that connect to what he is paying attention to makes them meaningful. And he will be more motivated to attempt saying words related to his own interests.
  3. Match her language level. Match the length of your utterance to her level or just above her level. As I suggested above, if she is using single words, model single words or two-word combinations.
  4. Pause after you take a turn and look at him expectantly. Wait. Wait some more. Waiting is harder than you think!
  5. Listen for her sounds and words. Acknowledge them by repeating and adding one more sound or word. “Dog…. hungry dog”
  6. Resist the urge to request him to repeat you. Children learn best through natural interactions, not repetition.

Be patient, take note of small changes and celebrate progress. Progress can appear in many different ways… more eye contact, more joint play, more attempts, more relevant gestures, more copying, more sounds, more words. Be open to progress in its many forms.

And as always, if you suspect that your child’s speech and language skills are behind (check my blog Communication Milestones), I highly recommend consulting with a certified Speech-Language Therapist.

Understanding Social Language Skills

Social language skills, also known as pragmatic language skills, refer to the unspoken verbal and nonverbal rules governing our interactions.

These rules vary according to whom you are speaking with, where you are, and typically vary across different cultures. Someone with good social language skills will respond appropriately and flexibly to an ever changing social landscape.

While social skills are second nature to many of us, everyday social situations can be challenging for some.

A person with weak language, attention or memory skills may be unable to inhibit the impulse to talk, forget what was said, or have trouble keeping up with the pace of the conversation.

Someone with a social skills disorder might struggle to make eye contact, initiate or extend a conversation, misunderstand humour and facial expressions, and will likely make inaccurate guesses about what others are thinking and feeling.

A common characteristic of a social skills disorder, is impaired Perspective Taking. A complex process, perspective taking allows for interpretation of what is really going on by considering the thoughts, beliefs, desires and intentions of others.

The ability to consider and think about other people’s perspectives improves our social competencies, and strengthens our personal relationships. After all, social success is influenced and measured by how well we relate to and interact with others.

In Reclaiming Conversation (2015), Sherry Turkle describes how giving our attention to our children is the bread and butter of relationship building.

“Children learn how to regulate strong emotions, how to respond to other people’s social cues, and how to have conversations, largely as a result of the time parents spend listening to them, responding to them, helping them problem solve and understand themselves.”

A child’s social experiences rest on the foundation of the parent – child relationship. It is our responsibility, as parents, to be generous with our attention, and make ourselves available to our children in order to support their social skills learning.

Tips to support your child’s perspective taking:

  • Ask your child to describe the situation.
  • Break situations into small concrete parts.
  • Offer a feeling word to label how you perceive your child is feeling.
  • Explain what lead you to that belief about his feelings. Help him see your perspective because, personal problem solving relies on perspective taking.
  • Encourage him to think about how he feels and how the other person might feel.
  • Suggest how the other person might be feeling.
  • Describe the facial expression and body language you might expect from a person who feels that way.
  • Praise your child for her attempt to maneuver through a difficult social situation.

Modelling  HOW you think about your child’s thoughts and feelings, and helping him examine his own thoughts and feelings, will go a long way to support his problem solving and friendship skills.

In addition to supporting friendships, working on perspective taking will  improve understanding of material studied in school. Not only is it an essential skill when participating in group work, it is vital to appreciating and interpreting a lot of academic content.  Imagine for a moment trying to understand significant historical or political events, or even simply relating to characters in novels, without the ability to take on another person’s perspectives.

Boost perspective taking, self-reflection and more, with my FREE GAMES

These games offer opportunities to:

  1. Think about others. Specifically what others would like to do, not like to do, what they might have tried, or what they would never consider trying.
  2. Reflect on your own preferences and interests.
  3. Store personal information about others in “memory files”, and then access the stored information.
  4. Formulate and ask personal questions with how, would and have.

Watch How to Play the Games.

In an era of increased time spent socializing on-line and a reduced rate of face-to-face interactions that are rich in social cues afforded through facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, and cadence, all children will benefit from thoughtful, straightforward, and honest interpretations and discussions of social situations. It requires more effort for sure, to create opportunities for face-to-face interactions, but they are loaded with social language learning opportunities and…  it’s worth it!

Michelle Garcia Winner is an internationally recognized SLP who specializes in helping people develop their social competencies. I recommend her website for further information on social learning challenges. https://www.socialthinking.com/

 

 

Early Speech and Language Support Made Easy!

Becoming a parent brings with it plenty of responsibility. You brought a being into this world who is completely dependent on you and you put a lot of pressure on yourself to get it all done, leaving little if any extra time at the end of each day.

The good news is…supporting your baby’s speech and language development doesn’t require you to find extra time…NO EXTRA TIME! You can model and facilitate communication skills during your regular routines and play times.

Language skills begin to develop early.

Before he is even 2 months old, your baby stares intently at you and enjoys your attention.

By 6 months old, she watches your face as you talk, smiles in response to your smiles, and anticipates what will happen next.

By 9 months old he communicates non-verbally, uses sounds and gestures to get what he wants, and plays simple games.

It should come as no surprise that what your little one is most interested in is YOU! Take advantage of her natural interest in you to promote her attention and turn-taking skills… the skills needed to absorb speech and language modeled for her.  Good attention and turn taking skills are the foundation of oral language development.  Before learning to speak, your baby must learn to attend to others and take turns.

 

Here are 3 ways to promote good attention and turn-taking skills.

 1.  Follow your baby’s lead. Talk about what he is looking at. This helps him link sounds and words to the things he pays attention to. It also helps develop his confidence when he realizes you are interested in him and having fun with him. The more fun and interest you bring to playtime, the more he will pay attention to you.

2.  Pause regularly inviting your baby to take her turn. Get face to face, lean in, and look at her as if you expect her to take a turn. This might be a small movement or sound. Repeat your baby’s sounds and encourage her to repeat your sounds. Acknowledge her turn and continue with this pattern of making a sound, pausing and acknowledging. You are having a conversation!

3. Tempt your baby with something you think he really wants. Hold two toys in front of him and encourage him to look at or reach for one of them. Name them for him and reinforce his choice. Pause a familiar activity or routine (a song, a rhyme, shaking a rattle, a repetitive knee bounce) and wait for him to indicate he wants you to continue.

 

Whether you are talking, singing, reciting nursery rhymes, reading or playing with your baby… Follow her lead, use the power of pause and tempt her to take a turn.

Check here for some great games you can play with your baby!